Ok, So I changed my mind already, like that's so uncommon. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, it's undefinable. As I described it to Kyle, it feels like at any given moment I could explode. I don't think i like this, and yet something about it makes me feel happy in a depressed sort of way. It's like, utter happiness covered by an ubiquitous void. Everything I look at and everything I think about makes me happy, but makes me feel an emptiness that I haven't felt... well.. ever. It's odd, it's more than Kyle Syndrome as it has become defined. Especially now. I don't know where I'm going or if any of you will understand, I know Kyle does. I imagined how tough Missoula would've been for the whole summer, but never thought it was like this. It's just not fair. I know I'm not making it any better by playing the song Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd over and over... but it's just how I feel. I don't know... these are the ramblings of a nearly asleep rambling mind and heart... just speaking for the sake of speaking... I like rambling... I can come back and read it and remember how I felt... maybe you all don't understand it... but alas.. life goes on... work continues... calc continues... time will pass and more visits will come... I just need to hold on to that... money has become irrelevant... I've decided to simply dictate my life based on how I feel... Some people, like my dad, won't like that... but I could care less... all I want is to be happy as much and as often as I can... I hope you got my message... i felt like calling again just to hear your voice on your voicemail... it's soothing and helps me to relax.. if only i could sleep.. i have to work in 7 hours and 20 minutes or so.... I could go on all night... all I have to say is, thank god for AIM, because without it I would be going crazy right now... who knows.. maybe I am... pop.... I'm gonna go to bed... typing this utter randomness is the closest to telling you how i feel that I can get at the time being, and hopefully enough to let me sleep... at least a little.. the bed is so empty now... as uncomfortable as it was it's even less comfortable now without you... I hope some of this means something to somebody out there, and if nothing else, it means a lot to me.. .I'm glad i started this blog... just to put things that are on my mind down... I'm not much for writing or keeping a journal... so this works for me... i'm gonna try for sleep.. i can't believe i forgot it on the last post... but... Have a nice summer!

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